Have you ever had a canker sore? They’re these holes in your mouth (always on the inside) that are raw and inflamed. They make it difficult to eat, drink, or talk, depending on how large they are and where they are located. Scientists call them aphthous ulcers or aphthous stomatitis, but they really don’t have much idea what causes them or how to treat them.
That leaves people like me in agony when they pop up.
For most people, canker sores are minor inconveniences. They are relatively small (usually only a 1/8 of an inch in diameter) and heal after a week or so. Sometimes I get these kind, but more often than not mine are 3/8” or BIGGER, and they don’t go away for up to two weeks. Even when I can tell they are coming, there is nothing I can do to change their course.
The suffering usually peaks at about the 1 week mark, when it has gotten so large and so painful that I don’t know that I can stand another minute of it. Usually around this time I give in and start applying Orajel to the wound, which provides 15-30 minutes of relief. Enough to eat dinner or brush my teeth without too much pain.
For me, they usually form after I inadvertently clamp down on the side of my mouth or inside of my lip. As soon as this happens, I know what I’m in for. Almost without fail, any type of injury like this will develop into a canker sore.
I’ve tried Neosporin (no, you’re not supposed to put it in your mouth), amoxicillin (I know, I’m supposed to be an antimicrobial steward? Shame on me), lysine supplements, commercial mouthwashes, alum, saltwater rinses, ibuprofen… nothing really seems to affect them. It’s a very hopeless feeling.
When they arise in a place that makes it difficult to talk, I know that people think I am being rude or aloof when I am short in my conversations with them, but I’m not. It feels like someone has shaved off the outer layers of mouth with a jagged knife and then put salt in the resulting wound. It’s a constant burn and ache, accompanied by a sharp shooting pain when you talk or chew or otherwise disturb it.
As you can imagine, I’m currently fighting one of these dreadful marks right now. This one started when I clamped down on the inside of my bottom lip. It hurts to drink anything not through a straw. Hot coffee is particularly difficult. Thankfully, it’s in a place that talking doesn’t seem to affect it much. This one measures about ½” by 3/16”, in a somewhat rectangular shape. White in color with an angry red outline, it is particularly offended by a toothbrush and paste. It’s always there, taunting my tongue to examine it and judge how much larger and painful it has grown today. A prickling tingle is accompanied by a slight metallic taste during the examination from what I can only assume is a small amount of blood seeping from the wound. Again today it is bigger than yesterday. Will it ever cease, or will it continue to expand until it covers my entire mouth? I know that it should be near its zenith, but the pain seems to stretch out the moments, making the two week cycle feel like an eternity.
I tell no one except my wife when I have one of these episodes. I don’t want to bother anyone else with something that isn’t really their problem to begin with. Yet, it affects my mood and my ability to interact with others nonetheless. I try not to let it affect me, but I know it does. If I am so altered by such a trifle, what other things are our coworkers, family, and friends dealing with behind the scenes that make their day harder?
The next time someone fails to greet me in the hallway or is short on the phone, or cuts me in line, or takes whatever other unpleasant action, I’ll think about my canker sore, slowly rotting on my lip and my patience. I cannot see what is slowing rotting for my neighbor, and thus, if I wish people to have grace for myself, I can do nothing but offer grace to those around me who also may be hiding something that is making their day harder. You never know how wounded someone is on the inside, unless they show you.
